I wish I had it in me to write a brilliant, witty blog post. Heck – I wish I had it in me to write a coherent blog post. But time is money or time is sleep or something, so you’ll get the highlights. Low lights. Cliff lights. Cliff Notes. Whatever.
*My primary job now consists of watching a two year old boy and his six week old sister. Holy cow. Parents, how do you do this?!
*This has reaffirmed my decision to not have children, but just watch everyone else’s kids and hand them back at the end of the day.
*Cuddling a sweet baby is the best thing for my mental health. So, friends – keep having babies!
*We are TRYING to decrease my meds, but it’s a slow process. Also, the first decrease made me an anxious idiot.
*I am terrified at the thought of not having therapy any more. Likely, it’s just two or three more sessions.
*I gained weight. I both care and don’t care.
*I like eating, but I don’t want to be “fat” (whatever that means).
*A lot of times, dietitians will remind recovering anorexics that they aren’t just going to gain weight indefinitely and yadda yadda yadda and become overweight yadda yadda yadda. But I have gone from sick to well to overweight and the thought is a bit scary.
*Okay, a lot scary.
*Sometimes, there is this little whisper in my head that tells me I could restrict and run again, but do it better this time – just be thin and numb and no other consequences.
*That is a load of bullshit.
*Instead of running tonight, I went for a walk.
*I found apples and berries on my walk (hello, breakfast)!
*At one point I was walking and thinking to myself how lovely the woods smelled.
*I looked down to find myself standing in a field of spearmint. I sort of wanted to roll around in it.
*I just took some for tomorrow’s breakfast bowl, but sniffed it the entire way home.
*Everyone else on the greenway probably thought me an idiot.
*I don’t care.
*I am, mostly, happy.