Hold the Phone…

…you guys are really going to let me be a therapist?!

I am constantly amused by this.  And, just as frequently, CONFUSED.  I’m still in weekly therapy myself.  And no, this isn’t a bad thing — in fact, one of the requirements for our program is that, “on an individual basis,” you might have to go through some therapy yourself.

I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that if I weren’t currently seeing a therapist, they’d send me to one posthaste.  Just a hunch.

I have managed to survive my first two weeks of graduate school in good spirits.  I tried graduate school once before, about five years ago.  I was going for non-profit management, which was something I was genuinely interested in.  And, to some degree, still am.

That said, this program is a much better fit.  And perhaps it’s the “goodness of fit” that is making this time a little easier.  And by “easier” I mean, I actually think I might have a shot at making it through this program and being successful.  Two weeks into this program and I’m not crying myself to sleep.  I’m not using eating disorder behaviours to cope.  I’m not wearing long sleeves to cover new cuts.

So maybe it’s not so much the “goodness of fit” that’s making it easier, it’s the fact that I’ve learned to cope in healthy ways!!!

I’m not saying it’s been perfect — it certainly hasn’t.  I got a message from my dietitian last night telling me that my snack needed to be, in essence, A MEAL.  I probably walk a little too much.  I still can’t keep a real razor in my apartment because there are still self-harm urges and I don’t want that to be an option.  But I am doing WELL.  I daresay my therapist might even be proud of how well I’ve handled myself over the past week and a half.  (There was a time that she wouldn’t let me go a week without a session, even if that meant her calling me while she was on vacation — but I didn’t have to see her this week!)

I’m really, really loving my program.  The classes are interesting, the tasks and assignments are so USEFUL  (geez, imagine!), and my cohort is pretty swell.

Of course, I was talking to Alie today and realized that beginning next Thursday, I have a paper due every.single.week. until Thanksgiving.  And then I’m pretty much done after Thanksgiving.  I can wander around in the snow and get a job as an elf at the mall or something.  Or, more likely, start reading for spring semester.

Please excuse me for not updating as often as I would like.  I am just really freaking tired.  (Seriously, I think there’s something pathological going on.)  But hey — the more things I have to do, the more I tend to procrastinate, so….maybe I’ll be blogging every day!  ;-)

And now…to write the blog that’s due in 14 hours.  Oops.


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