I just ate a full dinner for the first time in….well, a while, let’s put it that way. A string of curse words is on repeat in my head as I try to find a comfortable position for my poor distended stomach.
I met with my dietitian today and agreed that I would at least try to put some effort into recovery. She gave me a meal plan, which I am supposed to follow, and which simultaneously feels like too much and not enough. I mean, I feel like I’m eating enough now, but my dietitian says I’m heavily restricting. So I have to eat more.
And stop exercising. Unless I want to move up a meal plan (read: eat more food!), then I can do light exercise.
This post is completely self-serving (aren’t they all, really?), but really, I’m just trying to distract myself from driving to the gym or taking handfuls of pills or running to the toilet. I’m house sitting, so I’m alone, which makes this even harder, but I’ve brought my art journal, and some books to read, and there is always cable and movies.
But I won’t lie. I just wish I hadn’t eaten dinner.