I could be studying for the GREs right now, but let’s be honest, what am I going to learn in 3 hours that I am actually going to retain? Studying at this point would be pretty useless, but I’ll still go over a few things to jog my memory. Later.
So instead of studying, I am updating this little baby, which I’ve been meaning to do for a week, but keep getting distracted from doing so. I want to share with you why I love helping my friends (and even strangers!) through tough spots in their recovery. And it’s totally selfish.
- Helping you taps into some deep part of me that is meant to serve and help others. I’ve always known that my call in life is to serve others in some fashion. Helping you reawakens this in me and reminds me that I have some sort of bigger purpose in this world than counting calories and obsessing over my weight.
- Helping you strengthens my own recovery. Every time I tell you to stop purging, stop restricting, that yes, it will get easier, I’m reminding myself of these things, too. I believe every word I speak to you and if it’s true for you, why isn’t it true for me? Am I really so special as to be the exception to every recovery “rule”? No.
- I just freaking love you. Helping you and knowing that you might be moving closer to a true recovery from eating disorder hell fills me with more joy than you could imagine.
If you know me in real life, you might find this slightly hypocritical. I’ve been struggling lately. But I genuinely believe that what is pulling me out of this funk is having conversations with friends who are also working towards recovery, and even if I’m not sharing my struggles with them, I am reminding myself of just how worth it recovery is. Worth every bite of food, worth every minute sitting in uncomfortable emotions, worth every dollar spent on meds and therapy (and trust me, that’s a lot of dollars).
Many thanks to the friends who have confided in me over the past week and helped me by allowing me to help you. Keep reaching out (to me or anyone else on your support team) and fighting the ED voice and it will gets easier every time.
Maybe only by .00000001%, but eventually that adds up to something significant. And the road to recovery is paved with seemingly mundane actions repeated over and over and over again until you find yourself further along the road than you ever thought possible.