If you’re new to reading this blog, you probably don’t even know that I love Jesus. I do, really. I just do a piss-poor job of it most of the time.
I’ve spent the last six or seven months completely isolated from my loving, radical, amazing church community. Part of this is due to the fact that I worked in the woods for the majority of the time and didn’t have Sundays off. But the reality is that even since returning home from that job, I’ve attended church all of…uh, never. (I showed up once just to do a service thing, but haven’t worshipped or listened to a sermon with my crew in months.)
I am petrified of showing up to church. Too many people. Too many questions. Too depressed. Too fat. Too much shame that I am exactly where I was a year ago (and maybe even a little further behind). There is always, always, always an excuse.
I miss the girl I was — the girl who was praising God with hands raised high, who prayed with fervor and conviction, the girl who allowed herself to be broken by the living God. Some small aspects of that girl still exist. Some small part of me still believes in who He is and the power He has in the world, the world He created.
And that little part of me gets excited when I see people like my friend Brandy working on His behalf to create a world I would like to live in. She’s brilliant, that girl, and just published a fabulous (and FREE!) e-book all about restoring shalom* to our broken world. (Uh, in fact, I would suggest you go and check out her blog right now. And subscribe to her newsletter. And download your free copy of her e-book. I’ll wait…….)
In all honesty, I want you guys to read that e-book because when she outlines what a co-conniver looks like, I think of you. I think of the beautiful, kind, creative, Jesus-loving, authentic people I’ve “met” through this blog. I want you to read and think about the ways you can be restoring shalom in your own little part of the world, and I want you to dream big and be creative and show this world what our God can do.
I want you to do it, because for as much as I love Jesus, I just don’t know that I can do much of anything for Him right now.
shalom (hebrew): peace