Breaking Point

I’ve been back at work just over three weeks. And while it’s been tough, I have managed to keep my behaviours looking sort of like those of someone in recovery. I hate that I eat and I feel like crap, but I do it anyway. I don’t work out into the wee hours of the morning. I stopped taking some of the pills I used to pop by the handful. I was restricting a bit, but more out of habit, you know?
Today was the first day I seriously just was so stressed I thought skipping a meal was a good idea. It still sounds like such a good idea. So does going to the store and buying some pills. So do crunches and jumping jacks after night watch arrives.
And while I might be able to convince myself not to engage tonight, I’m not sure I can hold off for the next four days of this shift.

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