In a Nutshell

Treatment is SO much harder than I remember it. It’s day four and I’ve already had to drink SEVEN boosts for not completing meals. My therapy session today turned out to be a mini-team, where I had to sign a behaviour contract. Some of the highlights:

I have to eat 100% in program, and 90% outside.
I am not allowed to have a blanket any more.
I am not allowed to bounce/shake my legs.
No laxatives, diet pills, or diuretics.
Exercise only as approved by the dietitian.
No alcohol use.

And, as an added bonus, my therapist is making me go to AA meetings. I have to attend one both Saturday and Sunday this weekend and have to get signed off that I attended. Furthermore, I have to find a sponsor in the next two weeks. Which should be interesting trying to explain to a potential sponsor. Since, you know, I’M NOT AN ALCOHOLIC.

*Sigh*

This week has been tough. I don’t want to be around people and I don’t want to eat. I want to crawl under a rock and disappear for a week or two.

And I’m seriously wondering if I’m going to be back at my job in six weeks. Or at all. That thought alone fills me with too much grief to describe.

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7 thoughts on “In a Nutshell

  1. why no blanket or leg bouncing? I’m not sure if I could even talk about anything difficult if BOTH of those were revoked from me! Praying for you dear one. You are stronger than you know, more beautiful than you give yourself credit for and truly an inspiration. You can do this!

    • I use the blanket to cover my body and hide from having to deal with it — but it’s also an issue because I self-injure and have done so in group before. So, bye bye blanket. I’m not allowed to bounce my leg because they think I’m trying to burn extra calories. Which I wasn’t, it was just a nervous habit, but now I’m kind of pissed off that I’m not allowed to burn those extra calories, lol.

      Thanks for the encouragement!

  2. I’m a new commenter, although I’ve been reading for a while – just wanted to say that I’m rooting for you and you WILL get through this. Take care and good luck!

  3. I am praying for you <3 Hope things are getting a bit easier… The rules sound tough, I know I would have trouble with things like moving my legs because I do it without even thinking :/ Stay strong, you can do this, you are worth it <3

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