Long Winter Ahead

It’s only mid-October and I’m freezing. And that’s fairly understandable in the mornings, where the low is around 50, but why am I still cold and bundled up at 3 pm? I went out and bought pants and long-sleeved shirts for winter, but now it seems that they won’t be much use beyond another 3 weeks unless I can work out another two or three layers on top.
Staying at work is looking less and less like a possibility and I am having to seriously consider what the next year of my life is going to look like. I’m doing the whole “I don’t really need to go to treatment” debate in my head, but thus far, seem to be losing. A friend told me the other day that this is the worst she’s seen me in a while, and she can’t stay quiet any more.  And to some extent, she’s right. My behaviours and thoughts are the worst they’ve been since before I was in residential. My weight is steadily dropping. I’m beginning to see physical symptoms again.
But my weight! I’m hovering right around my “ideal” body weight, so nothing is really wrong. Right? I know an eating disorder has nothing to do with the weight, but I simply can’t imagine going back into treatment this fat.
Honestly though – that’s the only reason I can come up with not to go. Let the research begin again.

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5 thoughts on “Long Winter Ahead

  1. Sending my love and prayers <3 Don't let your fear of entering treatment get in the way of your chances of doing something really worthwhile for yourself. <3

    Scott

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