Storm Chasing

As I was driving into work today (Yes, work!  Like a normal human being!  I digress.), I caught sight of a storm in my rear view mirror.  It was miles off, slowly making its way toward me and the guy riding my bumper was acting as if he was trying to race the storm.  I thought briefly about speeding up and racing forward so the storm couldn’t catch me.  Then I realized how silly that would be.

Why waste energy outrunning a storm that isn’t there yet?  Why live your life in a highly anxious state where the next disaster is always just around the corner or just catching up to you?

I chose instead to enjoy the drive.  To drive slowly and mindfully, noticing the color of the sky, the feel of the wind coming through the windows, the sound of the music on the radio.  I arrived at my destination calm, much calmer than if I had raced a storm that never caught up with me.

That’s sort of where I am in my recovery.  The storm is in the background, but I have been granted this rest, this period where things are not so imminently threatening and I can drive slowly.  Perhaps even enjoy the drive.  I can take time to praise God for this rest, knowing that the storm is still there, but for once it’s not right on top of me.  I can breathe.

Later, the storm did come.  I was driving in the car, wondering how I was going to get everything I’d just bought for the shop into the shop without getting drenched.  I briefly wondered if I shouldn’t have tried to outrun the storm this time, knowing that it had been coming when I left the shop to run errands.  Now I was stuck in the storm, with no way out but through.

I wondered if this is where my happy-recovery-metaphor fell apart.  I wondered if eventually I wouldn’t find myself in the midst of torrential downpours all over again because I refused to run further away from the storm when I had the chance.  I wondered if this storm wouldn’t leave me soaked to the bone like a drowned rat, desperately grasping on to the log that is my eating disorder.

I raced back to the shop, lunch for the guys in hand, ready to run through the storm.  But when I arrived, one of the guys had opened the large garage door in the shop, allowing me to pull my car in.  I emptied my car from errands and was never hit by a single raindrop.

Then I remembered:  there is shelter in the storm.  If the eating disorder storm eventually catches up to me, there is shelter.

I just have to know Who He is and enter through the door He has already opened.

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13 thoughts on “Storm Chasing

  1. Wow. That IS a great metaphor. I find it kind of ironic, right now as I find myself in the ‘light rain,’ beginning stages of the storm again. Now, to find that door – to find the shelter before it becomes a full-fledged storm.

    Thanks!

  2. Awesome post. I think it’s a good reminder that even when/if the ED storm comes, be mindful. Recognize the storm, don’t hide from it or run from it. Sure, seek out the shelter, but recognize its presence and “be not afraid.”
    As always… so proud of you!

  3. I think your increased blogging is a good sign. These past few blogs have been so full of … dare I say it?…. HOPE. I am loving it. You are very good at the extended metaphors. He is the best shelter. When I am anxious I breathe him in – Lord Jesus Christ Son Of The Living God – and breathe out the stress – Have Mercy On Me A Sinner.

    Also, I read the Bible last night when I was having serious anxiety. (It was the first time I’d read it in over a week. Blech.) But you better believe I slept so soundly and felt so much better for it this morning. I love our God.

    So, back to extended metaphors. I had never heard about “the log” but after having followed the link to your “Deconstructing the Log” Blog (Ha – Log Blog!) I completely see it! I can see how the ED or self-injury has kept you from worse things in the past and I AM OVERJOYED THAT YOU ARE BRAVING THE WATERS TO TRY AND SWIM AWAY FROM YOUR ONCE NEEDED coping mechanisms.

    And yes, that is a good question…. survival from what? : )

    I just plain love you.

  4. That is such a beautiful sentiment.
    I love how you were thinking about all of that and when you saw the garage door open it must have been like a “whomp” on your heart from God.
    I love how He Speaks and I love how you share.

  5. That is powerful. So often I find myself absolutely freaking out, and then I think “Oh yeah, I guess there’s always God…” Um, holy cannoli, WHAT A CONCEPT! There IS always God, and the shelter he has for us should be our first thought, not an afterthought. Thanks so much for reminding me of that.

  6. I’m so glad you chose to share this blog with me. You have such a way with words. I can’t wait to read more.

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