Hi There

I’m back.  I actually ended up spending 44 days in treatment, not 30.  My treatment team (and some friends) would have preferred I stay longer, but I was about to lose my mind and desperately needed SOME measure of freedom.  So I’m home and doing PHP near my house.  One day I’ll actually go back to work, I swear.

It still feels surreal.  It is hard for me to believe that I spent 6 weeks in residential treatment for an eating disorder.  It wasn’t THAT serious, right?  And to be sure, most of the reason I stayed so long was psychiatric (think moments away from being admitted to a psych hospital), not medical.  Regardless, the experience taught me that I can trust myself.  Seven weeks ago, I had to fight to make everybody understand why I who was not skeletal needed residential care for an eating disorder that nobody knew I had.  In the end, I needed that structure (and more) – it was week three before I finished a full day of meals and well past my initial 30 days before I could make it through the day without being overwhelmed with the urged to exercise or restrict.  So, I was right.  I made a good, healthy choice by going into treatment.

However, the real test began when I checked out on Tuesday.  Now I have to continue to make good, healthy choices out of treatment. I’ll be honest – it’s hard.

But I’m trying.  I’m working.  I’m growing.

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5 thoughts on “Hi There

  1. I’m down with the PHP…you need that in-between room for your healthy coping mechanisms.
    I trust that you will not go overboard. I pray that if you do, you will acknowledge it and do what needs to be done.
    Can’t wait to chat soon.
    You amaze me. And you’re so cute in “real life” (0:

  2. I’m glad you are home. I am praying that the ‘good, healthy choices’ will be surprisingly easy for you to make.

    I love you.

  3. Fantastic, you have a ton to be proud of. I know the work isn’t over yet, but you’ve really proven what a rock star you are in tackling this, put that lesson to good use if you feel doubt creeping in! Hang in there, you’re worth it.

  4. Hello Jess! Just wanted to stop by to say I’m thinking of you. I know how hard all of this can be, but I have complete faith in you. I hope you continue to trust yourself.

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