Today, I feel joyful. As in, FULL of joy.
The sort of joy that makes me want to jump and shout and smile and talk.
There was good music in my CD player this morning as I drove to meet a friend. This friend and I went for a run, and I was able to encourage her in ways that would have been impossible for me to do only a month ago. I drove to the health food store and chugged a Kombucha after my run and bought Tofurkey for my sister and I to share for Christmas. I made cranberry sauce for a Thanksgiving meal my church is serving to refugees tomorrow. And right now, a loaf of Boston Brown Bread is baking in the oven.
Today, for the first time in a long time, my life is beautiful and full and I am glad to be living it.
Maybe the medication is kicking in.
Maybe I’m still just so excited that I was finally “graduated to sane” – as my friend put it.
Maybe recovery is actually starting to feel good.
Maybe I’m finally starting to come into the fullness of life that glorifies God.
Maybe it’s a little bit of all of that.
Whatever it is, it feels good. The fights in my head are minimal today. My body feels strong.
It’s very possible that tomorrow will be hell. That tomorrow or Monday or Tuesday, the crazy thoughts that have infiltrated my brain for the past year will be back and I will struggle to choke down every snack and meal.
If that’s the case, I’ll look back on today and remember this reprieve and these moments that I saw what recovered can look like.
And friends, it looks like JOY.