I think it is time to make a goal list again. I’ve been doing fairly well without a written one lately, but it’s been a tough week food-wise and I simply cannot afford to slip any further into the abyss.
In fact, I’m a little concerned that I’m having such a difficult time thinking of what to put on such a list. Which is to say, I can think of things that I need to do, but don’t want to write them down and hold myself accountable. My heart is racing just thinking about what I should be doing – but don’t want to.
Goals, Week of 9/13-9/20:
1. Buy a pair of heels for my best friend’s wedding. (Hey, let me have a gimme, okay?)
2. Eat a snack every day.
3. Go one day without a workout.
4. Spend 20 minutes a day reading scripture. (Now would probably be a good time to bust out those verses on anxiety.)
5. Write two poems.
6. Start making a vision board. (I don’t really buy into the “law of attraction” thing, but I think something visual to remind me why I’m fighting to recover would be helpful.)
7. Spend some time sorting through why I dislike being female so much. (Sarah’s most recent blog really got the ball rolling on this in my head. My utter hatred of being female absolutely has something to do with why I am so determined to whittle my body into an androgynous form.)
8. Oh, and I guess I should probably talk to my new counselor about this recent lapse into ED behaviours. Meh.
Okay. I can do this. Right?