Who Does She Think She Is?

I have more things racing through my mind right now than I could possibly take stock of.

I had my last appointment with my counselor on Monday, begin with a new counselor on Tuesday, am spending lots of time with a friend who is about to leave the country for 11 months, and am trying to digest a very timely sermon from church yesterday.  On top of all this, I am struggling very hard to find work so that I can continue to afford counseling and nutrition appointments (not to mention move out of my childhood bedroom) and the utter insecurity of my life and financial situation make it very, very tempting to find something I can be good at.  Like starving.  Or running.

All this to say, I am having a hard time lately reminding myself that there is a ME outside of this eating disorder.  In his sermon this morning, my pastor said something I’ve heard for the eighteen millionth time since March:  the choices of your past may not have been the right choices, but they do NOT define you.  This eating disorder does NOT define me.  So this post is to tell you a few things about me — things outside of the crazy OCD and ED-mangled thoughts you’ve read until this point.

So, who is this Jess character anyway??  (With pictures!)

1.  I am a child of God, bought at a tremendous price.  I struggle every day to remember this and live out of this truth.

2.  I love music.  The list of musical instruments I’ve played for any length of time (more or less in order):  flute, bassoon, piccolo, oboe, clarinet, trombone, tuba, piano, bass recorder, violin.  I went to college on a combination of musical and academic scholarships and miss playing in an ensemble something terrible.

I never got the hang of guitar, unfortunately.

3.  When I was a kid, “vacation” never meant sitting on a beach or in a mountain house somewhere.  “Vacation” meant “let’s go visit every historical site in a 350 mile radius.”  I hated it when I was 10, but later found myself majoring in history and spending my own vacations at museums.  Nerd.

Lucky for me, my ex-fiance' was pretty nerdy too, so we visited museums on our engagement trip.

4.  I am constantly overwhelmed by a tremendous sense of wanderlust.  I got a passport a year and a half ago and still haven’t used it.  The most exciting place I’ve been in the past year is Delaware.

5.  I love beer.  In fact, I quite prefer it to wine.  Whenever I cut out beer as an entire category, we’re headed for relapse — seriously.

6.  I am not an athlete.  (I’m a musician, remember?)  However, I simply refuse to give up.  I have run two half-marathons, one 15K, two 10Ks, and more 5Ks than I could possibly count.  Three-quarters of my wardrobe is race t-shirts.  (I really wish I were kidding.)

My first half-marathon with my BFF. This was at mile 12. We were SO over it by this point.

7.  The best compliment I ever got was this:  “I like the way you always look like you’re just about to freak out, but you never do.”  It still makes me laugh.

That’s enough for now, I think.  However, if you’re interested in knowing more about me in a far more vague way, you can check out the new page I added called “The Whore Herself.”  I’ve been blogging a lot lately, mostly in an attempt to avoid engaging in ED behaviours.

Happy Labour Day, all!

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4 thoughts on “Who Does She Think She Is?

  1. This was a really cool post, Jess. You are totally worth getting to know! That’s hilarious that so many of your clothes are race t-shirts. I have them too but then I have like 23432 more items of clothing. D is forever disappointed in the size of my wardrobe, muttering things about Africa and the homeless and whatnot. I usually reply by saying I need (NEED) a new dress :)

    I also have wanderlust! This morning I woke up and had thick bread and eggs for breakfast. I immediately wanted to be in Germany or Austria so I could have good preserves and spent the rest of my morning dreaming about my trip there…

    Which was your favorite instrument?

    • “Africa and the homeless and whatnot” indeed. Ridiculous – what is D thinking bringing up such things?! I really would like to expand my wardrobe, but I am horribly inept at the fashion thing. A stint on “What Not To Wear” would do me very well, I think.

      My favourite instrument was (and is) the bassoon — I HATED it at first and spent five years teaching myself (rather poorly). I really fell in love with it in college, when I was properly trained and got to play with other bassoonists! It has such a quirky sound. Love, love, love.

    • Heh. Thanks – it is SO difficult for me to find a picture where I’m just smiling and not making some sort of weird face. I often look like a deranged muppet in photos for this reason.

      I’m glad it comes across as cute! :)

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