I have more things racing through my mind right now than I could possibly take stock of.
I had my last appointment with my counselor on Monday, begin with a new counselor on Tuesday, am spending lots of time with a friend who is about to leave the country for 11 months, and am trying to digest a very timely sermon from church yesterday. On top of all this, I am struggling very hard to find work so that I can continue to afford counseling and nutrition appointments (not to mention move out of my childhood bedroom) and the utter insecurity of my life and financial situation make it very, very tempting to find something I can be good at. Like starving. Or running.
All this to say, I am having a hard time lately reminding myself that there is a ME outside of this eating disorder. In his sermon this morning, my pastor said something I’ve heard for the eighteen millionth time since March: the choices of your past may not have been the right choices, but they do NOT define you. This eating disorder does NOT define me. So this post is to tell you a few things about me — things outside of the crazy OCD and ED-mangled thoughts you’ve read until this point.
So, who is this Jess character anyway?? (With pictures!)
1. I am a child of God, bought at a tremendous price. I struggle every day to remember this and live out of this truth.
2. I love music. The list of musical instruments I’ve played for any length of time (more or less in order): flute, bassoon, piccolo, oboe, clarinet, trombone, tuba, piano, bass recorder, violin. I went to college on a combination of musical and academic scholarships and miss playing in an ensemble something terrible.
3. When I was a kid, “vacation” never meant sitting on a beach or in a mountain house somewhere. “Vacation” meant “let’s go visit every historical site in a 350 mile radius.” I hated it when I was 10, but later found myself majoring in history and spending my own vacations at museums. Nerd.
4. I am constantly overwhelmed by a tremendous sense of wanderlust. I got a passport a year and a half ago and still haven’t used it. The most exciting place I’ve been in the past year is Delaware.
5. I love beer. In fact, I quite prefer it to wine. Whenever I cut out beer as an entire category, we’re headed for relapse — seriously.
6. I am not an athlete. (I’m a musician, remember?) However, I simply refuse to give up. I have run two half-marathons, one 15K, two 10Ks, and more 5Ks than I could possibly count. Three-quarters of my wardrobe is race t-shirts. (I really wish I were kidding.)
7. The best compliment I ever got was this: “I like the way you always look like you’re just about to freak out, but you never do.” It still makes me laugh.
That’s enough for now, I think. However, if you’re interested in knowing more about me in a far more vague way, you can check out the new page I added called “The Whore Herself.” I’ve been blogging a lot lately, mostly in an attempt to avoid engaging in ED behaviours.
Happy Labour Day, all!