1. There is a sink full of dirty dishes at the place I’m staying because I am afraid to go into the kitchen. Not because of the food, but because of the knives.
2. I spent 30 minutes in bed this morning planning exactly where I would cut myself if I were to go to the kitchen to get a knife.
3. That 30 minutes was part of three hours I spent in bed this morning after waking up, trying to convince myself to move and that there might actually be something worth getting up for.
4. Somewhere in that three hours, the thought crossed my mind, “Oh, just relapse and die already.”
5. This actually seems like a decent option at the moment.