Is Anyone Else Tired of the Waffles?

And no, I’m not talking Eggo’s here.

I’m talking the three blogs where I’m all “YAY RECOVERY!”  quickly followed by the three blogs where I’m all “OMG I’m like, such a fatty and recovery is stupid and I’m just going to die from this ED but like, I’ll be freaking THIN.”  These kinds of waffles are intensely obnoxious both for those of us (i.e., ME) who are going back and forth all the dang time, as well as those poor souls (i.e., YOU) who are forced to listen to such crap.

I guess I’m just wondering when I’ll think that recovery is really worth it.  Worth it even if I gain more weight, worth it even if I have to cry through meals for another week or month or year, worth it even if I feel like these emotions are going to KILL ME if I have to feel them another day.  I like to think that I’m working for recovery and making progress.  And we talked this week in support group that even if you are on a slight downswing in recovery, you’re never “going backwards” because you can’t unlearn what you’ve learned.  It’s a nice idea, really, I’m just not sure I buy into it.

I don’t know how else to term it other than “going backwards” when I find myself crying over my new meal plan, skipping meals, working out like it’s my job.  I don’t know how else to term it other than “going backwards” when I notice these things and think, “Let’s just see where this goes.  It won’t be that bad this time, I’m sure.”  I don’t know how else to term it other than “going backwards” when I start looking for ways to “outsmart” my treatment team and lose a few pounds.

What the heck else do you call it?

If I had to guess? 

Scared.

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4 thoughts on “Is Anyone Else Tired of the Waffles?

  1. Hey Girl,

    YES! I am so tired of waffles….but not yours. MINE!
    Just keep posting whatever it is you feel, wherever you are at. It helps to get it out, be honest with ourselves, and often we get the supportive words we need from the people who understand.

    But…sheesh. Thanks for putting a name to it….Waffle.

    Your fellow waffler,
    Missy

  2. ive never called it a waffle but I probably will from now on haha. I waffle everyday and sometimes every minutes of certain days. but think, if we didnt waffle then we would either get better real fast or not be wanting to get better at all ever. recovery would just be an action of gaining the weight back if waffling didnt exist. so waffling HAS to exist, its part of the learning process to help us figure out the why, and whats good from bad, and trust our bodies. i guess in a way the support group thought is a good one, because you can use those things you learned in recovery take one for recovery take two, but did you ever really truly learn it if you went backwards? good post, im waffling today thanks

  3. Hey Jessica,
    If I were you, I would actually consider not reading the blogs that waffle too much. I used to post on the somethingfishy eating disorder message boards (from 2006-2008) and I found a HUGE difference in my attitude towards recovery when I switched from reading and posting on the “Anorexia” board where people were allowed to waffle to the “Anorexia/Bulimia Recovery” board where you had to be positive about recovery. I didn’t feel any different when I moved to the recovery board, but the posters’ framing of recovery had completely changed and I had to change my framing of it too when I posted. As I interacted on the board with people who were actually positive about recovery, I began to notice that my own attitude was more positive and hopeful. I still won’t read blogs where the writer is constantly waffling because it’s not good for me–bad thoughts in=bad thoughts out. (As a side note, even though YOU might feel like you waffle, I don’t consider your blog to be in that category because you are constantly striving to correct and talk back to the illogical messages of an eating disorder and to push yourself towards health, even if you feel bad or ambivalent about it.) I think the waffling blogs are written by very vulnerable people who are deeply struggling and I’m glad they have the outlet of writing, but it’s not healthy for ME to be a part of their journey in any way beyond writing my own (mostly positive) blog. Just some food for thought…heh heh heh…

  4. Pingback: More Thoughts on Words « A Wilderness Love Story

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