On the Run

I wonder if signing up to be a running buddy for a Girls on the Run race makes me a horrible, terrible hypocrite. Will I be healthy enough in a month to not feel like I’m talking out of both sides of my mouth when I tell the young girl I’m partnered with how important taking care of your body is?

“Why would you be a good role model for these girls?”

A year ago I wouldn’t have ever questioned it. Now I question myself every time I’m around a young girl.  Question if my attitudes and fears surrounding food and my body are being surreptitiously passed along.  And so as much I’d like to volunteer to run with these girls from my friend’s running group, I don’t know that I can lie to the organization on the application.

Because I’m not entirely sure I can lie to myself any more.


One thought on “On the Run

  1. why would you be a good role model? because you are actively pursuing recovery! how awesome is that? how much strength (from the Lord) does that take? your testimony speaks volumes, and will continue to do so.

    i do, however, totally understand where you’re coming from. perhaps this can be motivation in your recovery? not as a guilt trip (“if i don’t get better, i’ll be such a disappointment to the girls”) but more as motivation… like the girls are your accountability to an extent?

    do you go on the Something Fishy boards, by any chance? there was a post a few weeks ago about “fighting your ED with your ED.” for example, your ED is telling you that you would not be a good role model to the girls, that you’ll be a hypocrite… whatever. So maybe use that as fuel — you want to prove your ED wrong. dunno if that makes sense…

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