The State of My Prayers Lately

A sampling:

Dear Jesus,

I would be willing to consider actual recovery if we could do it on my terms.  They’re really quite simple.  I would be willing to eat normally under the following conditions:

1. If the re-feeding process weren’t so incredibly physically painfully.  Seriously?!  As if dealing with the emotional anxiety part isn’t enough, I also need to cope with the fact that I am in so much pain I would like to die?

2. I would still like to lose five to ten pounds.  How can we make this happen while I maintain a normal caloric intake?

3. I understand that you gave me two X chromosomes for a reason, however I’m not really sure what that reason is, given that I never want to have children.  On that note, I am less willing to recover if it means that I have to get a period again.

See, Jesus?  I’m not asking for the world here.  Just for a little wiggle room on this “dying to self” thing.

Amen.

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One thought on “The State of My Prayers Lately

  1. I know this so well. I went for so long trying to figure out a way that I could “recover” but still stay sick. And I still wish for these things most of the time. I hope you are able to keep pushing through anyway. Take care!

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